Identity: Challenging the Myth of the Singular Self
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Who am I? Am I being myself? Am I being authentic? Questions like this reflect an element of doubt, uncertainty, and potential growth. In media, these existential explorations are typically presented in coming-of-age stories or when characters go through a midlife crisis.
Yet identity formation and re-formation occur throughout the lifespan in response to external circumstances and internal revelation. Who we are can change dramatically over the course of one lifetime, shift in subtle ways, or become fortified and rigid. There is no singular path to identity formation, so an attuned counselor adapts therapy to meet a client’s understanding of self.
That said, it’s essential to differentiate between the natural progress of identity formation and re-formation, and identity crisis resulting from direct trauma. Those who experience identity crisis as a result of neglect or abuse may struggle with dissociation and/or outward hypervigilance focused on others. This can cause complications in their personal growth, especially if they don’t trust themselves or their feelings. It is not uncommon for people to avoid introspection since looking inward would detract from their external vigilance, making them feel unsafe. For more on this, read Briere and Scott’s (2014) “Principles of Trauma Therapy: A Guide to Symptoms, Evaluation, and Treatment.”
Both a client’s identity and relationship to their identity can be very complex. There are many dimensions to consider, from a client’s race, ethnicity, nationality, spirituality, religion, sexuality, gender identity, familial role, socioeconomic class, and professional occupation. It extends to how all these facets intertwine, intersect, and integrate.
Yet before we get into demographics, it’s worth exploring how clients may limit themselves with ideals and expectations of what authenticity is “supposed to look like.” To begin, we must address the Myth of the Singular Self and the two foundational aspects of identity that people struggle with the most: multiplicity and immutability.
The Myth of the Singular Self
The Myth of the Singular Self is best encapsulated by Popeye’s catchphrase: “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am.” The positive intent is to try and embody one’s “true self,” yet how often do people cherry-pick their identity to present their “best self?” When Popeye says, “I am what I am,” he’s stating a fact, but when he says, “That’s all that I am,” he’s stating a limitation.
There is a stoic philosophy in most patriarchal cultures whereby men are supposed to define themselves by strict codes of conduct. Sometimes these codes are based on honor or etiquette, but mostly they’re rigid gender norms dictating acceptable behavior. Popeye is a strong man, but in his philosophy, he has to be a strong man to fend off Bluto and romance Olive Oyl. And this works quite well, provided he’s a one-dimensional cartoon character.
Attempting to maintain a rigid self-concept, clients can stereotype themselves and their behavior. This is where it’s important to differentiate a client’s persona from their identity. In Jungian Psychology, a persona is defined as the outward presentation of one’s character. It is not a false self, per se, but an aspect of one’s identity placed at the forefront. It’s the façade of the house that people get to see from the outside, not the whole house itself.
However, some people may feel that their persona is a false self, especially if they believe they must lie to themselves or others to survive. In therapy, self-acceptance and self-affirmation begin by integrating the different dimensions of a client’s identity into a whole sense of self. This may require a certain level of reframing, as even a “false self” reflects part of a multifaceted whole, albeit the defensive self, the cunning self, or the survivalist. Metaphorically, consider how the character on stage is fictional, but the performance from the actor is genuine.
The Myth of the Singular Self leads many to believe that a vivid persona is equivalent to someone having healthy self-esteem, yet this is not the case. The frustration people experience around this disillusionment is evident in the link between low self-esteem and the pursuit of popularity on social media. Reviewing 12 separate studies on the subject, Keles, McCraw, and Grealish (2020) found that teenagers reported higher levels of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress the more time, activity, and investment they put into social media. This tracks given how young people aren’t just developing who they are, they’re also developing what the concept of identity even means.
The Myth of the Singular Self claims that you are supposed to know yourself absolutely—that you’re supposed to be clear, iconic, and on brand, whatever brand that maybe, albeit stoic cowboy, self-made-entrepreneur, optimistic beauty queen, or cynical intellectual. It claims that you are supposed to be whole and complete—a finished product. And it claims that any deviation or contradiction of this persona is hypocrisy in others or falseness in self. Consider how often people ask those in their lives to ignore their mistakes because: “I wasn’t being myself.”
You are never not yourself. You are always you, whether you’re under duress, under stress, in a state of relaxation, in a state of self-appreciation, or even in a fractured state of dissociation. It’s all you, albeit another side of you—even the sides you’re not proud of or may not be willing to recognize or accept.
Various forms of therapy, including person-centered therapy, affirmative therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and narrative therapy, make room for the whole self by exploring a client’s identity without judgment.
By exploring context and providing a safe space for one’s emotional process, it becomes clear that all of us stumble, grow, fumble, change, evolve, thrive, and struggle. We all have embarrassment, regret, pride, and appreciation, but we’re not defined by any singular moment. Sometimes we’re the clear protagonist, which is easy to validate, but sometimes a situation will bring out what Jung called our shadow—the part of us we do not wish to be.
Yet, if we ignore our shadow, we ignore the facets of our identity most in need of healing, understanding, and self-compassion. The façade may be beautiful, but we must explore the house, including the basement. The performance may be inspiring, but we must drop the mask for the audience to applaud. The persona may be useful, but we’re more than just a one-dimensional character.
Multiplicity
Multiplicity, also called pluriformity, is defined as having a multifaceted identity. In therapy, a counselor not only observes a client’s relationship with their various communities but also their relationship with their sense of self. Consider how identity can be integrated or compartmentalized along dimensions of growth and culture.
Identity formation and re-formation feel natural when a person can integrate their growth journey—even if the beginning looks very different from the end! Who could imagine the acorn would become the oak tree? Who could imagine the tadpole would become the frog?
However, when identity formation and re-formation are stifled for lack of acceptance within one’s social environment or because internalized doubt and shame have led the client to reject themselves, there can be huge, compartmentalized rifts between who one was, who one is, and who they’re becoming.
Picture a Russian Matryoshka Doll, with a client’s inner child nesting inside their inner teenager, nesting inside their inner adult—each with their own desires, needs, and personal values. This division of self isn’t an abstract concept. Neurologically, the amygdala grows throughout one’s childhood, yet some cell clusters don’t grow up, potentially accounting for some client’s regression into childlike behavior and potential mood disorders. For more on this, read Sorrell et al. (2019) “Immature Excitatory Neurons Develop During Adolescence in the Human Amygdala.”
Internally, a conflict between the inner child, teenager, and adult can lead some clients to neglect their base needs, like their play instinct or need for cherishment and comfort. Some may neglect their self-actualization needs, muting their ability to question authority, push boundaries, or express themselves. Going the other way, if a client is nested in a childlike mindset, they may sidestep their adult agency for fear of conflict or responsibility.
A client’s identity can feel even more divided if their race, ethnicity, religion, spirituality, nationality, sexuality, or gender identity maintain different morals, values, or ideals. Once again, when clients can integrate their cultural tapestry, they can celebrate their diversity, and speak from many nuanced perspectives.
However, when a client belongs to more than one community, and these communities are divided by segregation, oppression, or just cultural worldviews too vast to bridge, they may feel like their juggling multiple identities.
In 1950, John and Ruth Useem coined the term Third Culture Kid to describe children who, because they lived abroad, had to navigate and integrate more than one national culture. In their 1967 article “The Interfaces of a Binational Third Culture: A Study of the American Community in India,” they describe how Third Culture Kids create a new culture, combining elements of their culture of origin with their host culture. Children whose parents are immigrants often straddle worlds, languages, and vast cultural differences and may codeswitch accordingly or develop a unique third culture of their own.
Racial and ethnic minorities also straddle worlds divided by inequality, socioeconomic, disparity, and political power imbalance, eliciting all kinds of questions about personal identity, cultural identity, and self-empowerment. And there is no one answer. For example, consider how codeswitching means different things to different people. A young African American client may talk very differently with their family than they do with their predominantly white friend group at school. Trying to balance, they belong with their family and they belong with their friends, as their identity is dynamic, fluid, and multifaceted.
This is very different from an African American client who feels like they have to change their self-expression at school to fit in or avoid being stereotyped or worse. For the first client, codeswitching is like being bilingual. For the second client, codeswitching is camouflage to survive.
In turn, sexual and gender minorities may find themselves balancing their authenticity with their transparency. Between maintaining safety and signaling to other members of the LGBTQ+ community, some clients may alter their self-expression a lot between one social group and the next. This can generate cognitive dissonance on both fronts, as adjusting to heteronormative and cisnormative expectations of masculinity, femininity, and communication can feel closeting, while adjusting to homonormative and transnormative expectations can feel inauthentic if they don’t fit.
It is inaccurate to assume that a person’s authenticity depends on how “true” they are to a single persona, as there are many valid reasons to reserve one’s multifaceted self for those who are safe and trustworthy. The Myth of the Singular Self is built on a foundation of privilege, as many cultures have faced a long history of oppression that required compartmentalization to survive.
Recognizing this, it’s important for counselors to validate the hardship in their client’s lives to help them differentiate who they are from any shame or self-hatred they may have internalized. This is not an easy process. Some clients may spend much time bridging and reconciling their heritage and family history with their personal values and contemporary experiences. Others may need help and social support as they introduce and integrate different communities and friend groups they belong to or maintain boundaries to keep them apart. Yet through it all, it’s imperative to treat every diverse facet of their identity with compassion.
Immutability
Having a multifaceted identity isn’t comparable to telling a client that, “They’re not one identity, but many identities,” though this may be the case for some. Instead, having a multifaceted identity is akin to being one throughout all. You are you. You are you with your friends; you are you with your family; you are you when you work; you are you when you play. You may act differently and speak from different parts of your being, but there is a fundamental youness to you that can’t be denied. This is your immutability.
It’s the you that feels authentic when you align with yourself, and it’s the you that feels inauthentic when you try to be something you’re not. It’s the you that remains when everything is stripped away. It’s the you that defies other people’s projections and prejudice. It is your consciousness experiencing itself. It’s your natural state that exists without effort.
While philosophers have pondered immutability for centuries, it’s most observable in small children, as any parent will tell you. Every child enters the world with a unique set of qualities that continue with them throughout their lives. These qualities are not the be-all-end-all of their identity development, but the seeds are planted. While the acorn may grow to any size with any number of branches, it’s an oak tree by nature.
Personality psychologists often map these qualities to help clients get to know themselves. The Big-5 Personality Test uses the acronym OCEAN to identify levels of openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Similarly, the Myers-Briggs sifts between extraversion and introversion, sensing and intuition, thinking and feeling, and judging and perceiving.
To account for some of these inborn aspects of self, Deyoung et al.’s (2022) Personality Neuroscience: An Emerging Field with Bright Prospects details how neuroticism is associated with the tonic or resting state of the extended amygdala; how fluid intelligence is associated with the frontoparietal control network and the dorsal attention network; and how extroversion relates to a person’s dopaminergic reward sensitivity. This is not to say a client is limited by their neurology, as everyone is learning and growing, and one should never underestimate neuroplasticity. The point is to underline how undeniable and irrepressible a client’s sense of self truly is.
When a person-centered therapist talks about congruence, empathy, and unconditional positive regard, they’re talking about holding space for their client’s innermost self. When affirmative therapists talk about affirming their clients, they’re talking about validating their inherent value. When ACT practitioners talk about acceptance, they’re talking about accepting the whole self, not just the socially desirable parts. When narrative therapists view the client as the expert, they do so because the narrator has been there from the beginning and has been paying close attention this whole time.
By challenging the Myth of the Singular Self and by exploring how multifaceted they are, it becomes easier for clients to tackle questions of authenticity and lean into their growth edge.
Alex Stitt, LMHC
Writer & Contributing ExpertAlex Stitt is a nonbinary author, queer theorist, and licensed mental health counselor living in Hawaii. As a proud Queer Counselor, they work to educate professionals in the mental health field interested in working with LGBTQ+ populations. Their textbook, ACT for Gender Identity: The Comprehensive Guide, demonstrates how to apply Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to gender self-actualization.